What is dating in middle school

16-Nov-2015 16:08

A place where your parents drop you off to be ripped apart by your equals. Where you go from being a sweet, cute, elementry school kid to being a poser goth cutter listening to Avril Lavinge. Where your hopes and dreams are shattered just in time for the next pit of hell: highschool.

“We’re perpetually fed a line that we’re looking for love in a market that doesn’t value us,” says Marina Adshade, an economics professor in Canada and author of . However, with the gray divorce boom, there are a lot more older people available than ever before.I, too, am not looking for a husband (although I’m not necessarily against marrying), but I most definitely would like a partner — uhh, with conditions.A recent study looked into why older women — in this case, women in their 60s and 70s — date. Some had lost satisfying relationships because the men wanted to get married but the women didn’t, sometimes because it would hurt them financially and sometimes because they didn’t want to have to care for anyone else anymore.A few things became clear to the researchers early on — the women treasured their independence and craved companionship. In fact, many said they were not interesting in caretaking ever again — they’d been there and done that.That may be true for younger people, but that isn’t always the case at this age, she says.Because men have shorter lifespans, many older men are interested in having a potential caregiver or a “nurse with a purse.” They tend to marry quicker than older women, but it isn’t because older women can’t find a hubby; it’s because women are more likely to be looking for a short-term relationship or a companion, not a husband.

That isn’t true for my three girlfriends, but it’s true for me.

She believes — and I agree — that more people need to talk openly about this because all older women hear (and thus believe) is that older men are them from the 50-something dating pool ASAP; I’m not interested in men like that so move along, men, and good luck! As a newly single woman after an eight-plus year relationship, I am curious about what to expect this time, now that I’m 50-something instead of 40-something.

That said, the dating market for older singles isn’t all that easy. There just aren’t that many available singles our age and the ones who are available are an interesting lot (read Anne Lamott’s funny take of her year on to understand).

“If that were true, they would be lowering their standards. In fact, she notes that older women are a lot more selective than older men and younger women are when it comes to picking a partner If anything, it’s more of a level playing field when it comes to midlife dating.

In a talk before boomers (you can watch it below), Adshade says older women really aren’t disadvantaged on the dating market.

The persistent belief is that women are looking for long-term committed relationship and men are looking for short-term sexual relationships.