This rule is almost never stated or enforced among queer communities.If you're gay, you will almost inevitably date a friend's ex at some point.
It's difficult to meet people you're romantically interested in beyond an already-defined circle, and outside of your city's queer scene, most people you run into are likely to be straight.Lots of people have told me unequivocally that they would never date a friend's ex.They wholeheartedly believe that it's wrong, disrespectful, and if a friend did that to them, they'd never talk to that person again.They believe this is something everybody knows, that they're just following the rules.What I've noticed, though, is that every person I've heard espouse this worldview was straight.So you're dating a guy, let's call him Smeorge Shlooney, and everything is going great—except for one teeny, tiny, little hiccup: You're not always sure he's 100 percent over his ex.
Before you get all paranoid on Smeorgey, consult our he's-so-not-over-her warning signs.
And remember: Every relationship is different, so make sure to talk things over with your man before making any major relationship changes. If they were together for a long time or they got the dog together, he might not miss her—he might miss the dog.
Your man ended his previous relationship months ago, but it seems like every time you call him, he's out walking his ex-girlfriend's dog.
Even if you meet someone to whom you think you have no previous connection, a 10-minute conversation almost always reveals that she went to high school with your college roommate, used to be on a volleyball team with that girl from your book club, and had a six-month stand with your favorite barista.
Queers don't tend to expect our dates to come into our lives completely free of prior complication.
We know our backstories will be tangled and intertwined.